Just die

I'm bored, and thirsty.. But climbing down the stairs to get a drink from the kitchen is a real hassle, so looks like I'm just gonna die of thirst..

So bored and restless. Do you have something interesting to say? please leave a comment. I figured this blog must have about eight unique visitors a day, some days more some days less.. So someone might actually do so just for the sake of doing so..

oh and for those who have blogs too or websites, especially commercial ones.. this site's really interesting..

loads of crap

I'm having a writer's block now. No actually, I've had it for awhile now.. I have nothing interesting to say now. Bye!

So kidding..Well I do have a block, and I haven't got close to writing any songs lately.. but of course no block's gonna stop me from writing here altogether. I can write anything I want here anyway, total gibberish, nonsensical stuff that don't really require any skill or any of my writing powers which are currently blocked out. Thats right kids, blogging doesn't really require any extraordinary skill or talent.. So don't patronize the bloggers for their silly viewpoints and post they make on their blog. if you must patronize us for our good looks and the fact that you probably have nothing better to do then to come here and read this. I guess that puts us on top of a lot of things..

I'm sorry you just wasted a couple of minutes reading and trying to understand the above and that you may carry on reading till the end. I'm sorrier for the fact that I've been sitting here for more than 60 minutes trying to write a song but I came here instead cause I have nothing better to do.. 'cause I have nothing better to do' Yes people, don't let that line run your life, it's really bad for your health..

The irony is that back in the day when I had to go to school or work, I had so little time yet I wrote more songs then now when I have all the free time in the world. I remember having to rush home to write down or record an idea or tune that would've randomly strike me in the day. Nowadays, it's all blank.. Sigh.. Signs that my brain is deteriorating from too much slacking..

I blame my damaged knee for this. Since it happened, nothing else happen.

In the moment

So the other day, I went down to sp with Cliff to do a gig.. Well it wasn't actually a gig, rather it was a scene of a gig in a movie.. so here's the footage, by camera phone as I don't have the actual footage yet.



I can't say I wasn't the least bit nervous about performing in front of the camera.. When you think of it, cameras are scary. They capture your every movement so if there was anything that could go wrong, rest assure it won't escape the camera lens.. So at that moment I wasn't really thinking much.. Just the lyrics, remember the lyrics, there wasn't time for another take.

So I'm not a great singer nor am I a hundred percent comfortable about singing to a crowd yet.. But I figured, heck I've played the instruments, written the songs, and am a closet singer anyway (yes I bet you didn't know), becoming the lead vocals for the band was only a natural progression. Fact is, I like doing this.. the music, the song writing and even the singing, and for awhile now, I've been taking it more seriously.

So we might have been at it for awhile now. but as far as I know this band has only just started a few months ago. We're still The Crack, but it's a whole new start..

I'm bored

So my recovery isn't going as smoothly as I imagined. I still walk with a limp and might fall anytime and I can't lift my leg when I'm sitting down.. It's demoralizing, your brain is tells your leg to move but it doesn't.. It simply doesn't.. I try harder and my leg sends a shock-wave of pain to my brain. thankfully, cause if it weren't for the pain, I would think the muscles in my knee's gone paralyzed or something.

I'm hoping it's not anything serious, I dunno.. damaged ligament? omg hell no. . It's nothing.. It's nothing.. All I can't think about is recovery.

If I ever become paralyzed or anything of that sort. Please kill me, I'd just give up anyway..

indifference

The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. Cause if you hate someone, it means you still care enough to get angry at that person. There is no line between love and hate, just like there isn't any line to cross if a person were to go insane or just die. They're all side by side, how else is it possible that one moment you could love someone and the next instant you hate them, or how one moment you're happily living your life and the next you're dead.

Indifference on the other hand is often contradictory.. You can't say you're indifferent to someone because by saying that you're already refuting that. You could say that you just said it for the sake of saying, but it is more likely you mentioned that person because at some point you let him affect you.

Whats the point of this you may ask, just like all the other crap I've scribbled somewhere, all over the place. Like it or not, nothing is ever black or white. I used to think I could live in just black and white and pretend there was no gray. but the gray came and it hit me right in the face, and it wasn't pretty.

5 things

My right kneecap now measures about 2cm larger then my left. This is great, I've only used up about 5 ice packs from yesterday. anyway, I think I should be able to walk normally in 2 days, well I hope.
So being a cripple isn't really as fun as I'd imagine.. Little did I know there were gonna be so many things I'd have trouble doing besides the obvious walking, running, jumping etc.. things like

1. getting on and off the toilet seat.
2. Wearing pants... it takes about a minute now for me to do that, which is kinda pathetic..
3. picking anything up from the floor
4. propping my leg up onto a leg rest while watching tv.
5. Sleeping. yes I can't really toss and turn or move around without hurt, and it's kinda hard falling asleep laying perfectly still.

So sorry guys, looks like I'm gonna be out for the match.

destroyed

So if you haven't heard, this morning at approximately 11.45am, I sliding crashed knee-first straight into a metal pole at full speed. It was all a blur, and there I was tossing and turning around the floor. My first though; move my leg around.. ok.. my kneecap isn't shattered or anything but hell did it hurt. My hands began to vibrate, so did my head and everywhere else but my leg. my whole body went numb, except my leg.

So I spent about a minute on the floor I think. It could've been longer, but the pain never subsided. You would think that after a couple of seconds, the pain one would feel at the point of impact would fade mildly, but it didn't. and it made me want to puke and pass out..

so thats the story.. Its getting a little bit better now after some rice... I don't think anything's broken and I feel pretty lucky considering the speed at which I crashed.. walking becomes a chore now, but I think I'll be back on my feet in a couple of days..

Part 1

Earlier today, for no apparent reason or occasion, a couple of friends and I decided to splurge our cash on a Japanese buffet at kuishinbo.. We were all looking forward to the free flow beer promotion they had..

Notice that I said 'had' because when we got there, we found out that the promotion had expired.. We were all pretty disappointed, in the back of my mind I was prepared to get wasted.. totally wasted-take-me-home-in-a-taxicab. So never-mind the beer, we still ate there and the food was pretty good. We never said it, but I guess getting wasted together qualifies as one of those things we would put in our unofficial list of things we absolutely have to do before going into NS.

You could guess what happens next, but I'll finish telling this story another day (if there's any story to tell at all).. So stay tunned....

Full time

As the weeks past, more and more people are getting their enlistment letters. I know I won't be receiving mine soon, I've already pretty much accepted my fate to serve my time as a diver. Whatever the decision is fine. If I become an army boy, great. If I become a diver boy, also great. just great. I just want to know soon, so I can plan out the rest of my time as a civilian. but unfortunately the stupid system is just made to waste our time..

NS will always be tough no matter what people say. yes It's getting softer nowadays, with better living conditions, and soldiers are actually treated like human beings now. I say its tough not because of the physical aspects but for just one reason. Let me put it to you in a form of a question.

How do you feel about putting your life on hold and dropping everything.... whatever good thing you had coming; gone. Your friends and loved ones; say bye bye.. your skills, knowledge, whatever you're good at; how are you gonna keep them sharp? you virtually lose almost everything, I think you get the idea..
For 2 years, you're gonna throw it all away (and there's no refund!).. Don't ask me if it's worth it, I don't have a choice..

Harsh as I may sound, there is actually a handful of people out there who claimed to have had a good time in NS, so I guess it's not all bad. I hope to be one of them. I believe the key to that is letting go.. letting go of the current life I have, letting go of everything.. It's not gonna be easy, but hey.. NS is a full time job and more, with little room for distractions..

Then and now

One of my earliest memories as a boy was the time spent everyday after play-school and before my parents got home. I would kneel on a chair so that I was just tall enough to peek outside the window. Both my parents were working back then so they hired a maid. It was usually at around 4-5pm, when the maid would go cook dinner while I would go to my window.. I don't know how often I did this, but I guess it must have been quite a lot since it's one of my more prominent memories.

As a little boy I missed my parents a lot, since they both worked and sometimes did overtime. Staring out the window was a way for me to deal with that sense of uncertainty and insecurity, and for most parts I remembered songs being played back.. Either in the background by the old hi-fi set, or I would just hum them. One of the songs I remembered was that 'that doggie in the window' song. I figured I must have stared outside the window imagining there was a cute little doggie on the other side of the block staring back at me.. another song I remember is 'yesterday' by the Beatles..

Funny that I still do that sometimes whenever I'm feeling lost, uncertain or just sad.. the songs changes, but they're still the same kind of songs, soothing and comforting.. The difference; back then all my troubles ended the moment my parents returned home.. Now I'll just wait till an answer falls out of the sky and with open arms, I'll catch it.

Change

2 lessons to learn on 'change'

1. Change is inevitable.

2. The sooner you learn to accept the 1st lesson, the easier your life will be.

"But watch even the stars above things that seem still are still changing"
-Still - Ben Folds

I'm powerless

I'm powerless. Almost helpless, in a way we all are. I am just one guy. Alone, my tiny existence doesn't hold much meaning.. but together we can make a difference, do something wonderful no?

I may have been naive to think that way because no matter what life will always be a struggle, and I'll always be powerless. powerless to the way time changes us, the future, powerless to the course of nature, powerless to help any situation because ultimately I only have power over one thing. and that is to choose my own path to walk wherever I think is the right way to walk.

Some people say that one should not be bothered about the way other people live their lives, and that the only important thing is to live your own life with a clear conscience knowing that you never strayed from your own morals and belief. This is because conscience is subjective to everyone, morals and belief is subjective to everyone, and only God has the power to judge the right from the wrong.

In any case no one has the right to decide right from wrong. We can only practice what we think is right and hope that the other party realizes the error of their way. This makes me very sad sometimes because after all, don't we all live in the same World?

I guess we may physically live on the same planet, same country, same street etc.. but our perceptions, minds and hearts don't always point in the same direction. I'm powerless.

rock stars

Hi I'm back again, I noticed I've been blogging a lot lately. I think it has something to do with me staying home more to not spend so much money now that I'm jobless. I know I shouldn't complain I'm bored, even though I am sometimes, because I choose to just do nothing when I have a choice of actually doing stuff.. I think my laziness is getting to me..



I lmao at his gestures at 2:39 but he's still cool. It wouldn't be if it was anyone else and I think thats what makes a rock star. You get to be incredibly dorky and people will still think you're cool

darth vader

Remember that guy? the one who played Anakin skywalker in revenge of the sith, ah yes. Hayden Christensen.. He also played the lead actor in jumper, along side Rachel Bilson as the lead actress.. That lucky guy always getting all the cool roles to play and... heard he's dating Rachel Bilson now



I could get diabetic watching her.. ok.. that was lame.

-p.s I've had a crush on her since the beginning of time

2 - 1

So manu beat arsenal 2 - 1 and once again is on their way to winning the title. they just need to win their next 2 games, meanwhile arsenal's hope of winning the title is gone. poof! no more..

Arsenal lost the game because they forgot the fundamental rule, that to score goals you have to shoot. Just shoot damn it. Its just common sense, and it applies to everything in life. if you don't shoot, you won't score. Even inside the penalty box, they're still trying to pick out the perfect pass.

so remember kids, shoot! take shots. you can't wait around forever and expect the perfect opportunity to come along. Not everyone is that lucky all the time, heck I'll take that half-chance anytime.

no one should take themself so seriously

Hello I'm back. The tv's on but I got bored of watching, so my mind started to wander. It wandered far far away into the danger zone.

Sometimes, this would be good for the sake of a creative spark or an added boost of motivation for knowledge. but it wandered far into the depths of misery and fear and the sadness of half-truths, which made make me very sad. my mind trip continues..

I stumbled upon many cases of sad stuff that's happening to our world which I'm powerless to help, cause I'm part of this sad case that can't really be helped too (like how its getting harder to earn a decent living nowadays). This also made me very sad.

Then I also realized that in soon I won't be able to evade any of these anymore. I'm getting old.. echoed in the back of my mind.. so haunting.. its almost daunting.. It made me think about the years I've wasted when I could've done so much better. but I could've have known could I? this made me very very sad.. enough..

I pulled back, pulled the plug..
hello, I'm back.. lets party

"Lets not argue about what's right.. lets just agree that it was fun."

secrets

We all love our secrets, its a fact. I think everyone - every living being has its secrets. The longer we live, the more secrets we'll have. Some secrets are buried deep in the past while some are more current, some are trivial while some might do some damage if it were revealed. Whatever the secrets we keep, I think they play a very big role in determining the kind of person we are. Secrets don't necessarily have to be devious or sinful. I think secrets are simply facts we generally don't tell people we meet.

More importantly, secrets are what makes a person interesting. Lets say you just met someone and in one week he's told you everything, that'd be really boring. I think you get the idea. People live to unravel secrets, all kinds of secrets (not just personal ones). This world would suck without secrets, so don't whine the next time your friend decides to keep one from you.

Heck even this blog is secret.. Not that I wouldn't want the beloved people I know to read it, just that I haven quite gone around with a sign above my head that says 'I have a blog' .. and maybe someone I know has already discovered it and never plan on telling me.. "hey I read your blog! its super interesting, the best I've yet to read! " Well then thanks for keeping that secret.

Secrets.. Now I've got one of my own to share with you right here, but I think I'll leave this one to another day. You're Welcome.

once upon a time

once upon a time, there was a girl who worked in a fast food restaurant. She was just an average looking girl with an average life (probably) and an underpaid job at a fast food restaurant (most definitely).

Along came a boy one day. He was feeling hungry so he decided to grab a bite someplace. So he chose the place the girl was working in. She was on the registers. At first the boy didn't really notice the girl. After all, she was just some average girl working in a very average place. Then when it was his turn to take orders, it was that same girl who was at the counter.

she was really polite, friendly as all service staff should be. Her voice was sweet, and she smiled a lot, and there was something about her. An aura, you could tell she was a happy person. maybe it was her smile, or maybe it was the way she seemed to be so energetic, yet elegant in the way she went about working even in closing hours. whatever it was, it sent the boy into a blank stare for a couple of seconds. After which he would steal glances at her while she was serving customers.

the boy though, she wasn't the prettiest of girls he's met yet there was something he just couldn't figure out. perhaps what the boy saw was a different kind of beauty, something more then skin deep, something magic... or perhaps the hunger and fatigue had gotten to the boy, and that his mind was playing tricks..

the songs that take us back

Do you have a particular song every time you listen to takes you back to the past.. a certain event or cornerstone of your life. Perhaps a wedding song to remind you of that day, or the song of your childhood, or the song that helped you through a breakup.

I think everyone has that kind of song, which is what makes music so beautiful. It can carry your emotions.. A picture could remind you of how you looked like, and bring back memories. but a song.. could bring back old emotions.

speeding

I think I'm going too fast, I'm living too fast. I can't seem to relax. Everything I do, I want to get it done quick.. then move one and do the next thing.. I think in this crazy, stressed-out fast-paced world many of us are guilty of this. Is it a bad thing really? It doesn't seem so, after all efficiency is very much sought after.

The thing is.. every now and then, I get tired.. I slow down and take a look around.. Its then I realize how unsettling some things are, how inadequate I am, how dissatisfied I sometimes feel.. Then I get back to going a hundred miles an hour again, cause it makes me feel like I'm fixing all those things. But when I stop for gas once again, I realize what I did was just a quick fix. I go back to square one..

Life is what it is, and I'm just a boy.. and perhaps not the most ordinary person.

Cats

I like cats, cats are just fun to have.. Unfortunately my mom is scared of cats.

Emo

What's the first thing you think of when you hear the word emo or emotional?I bet most of you out there are thinking; cutting wrist, sadness and depression? no? you know I'm right..

Well happiness is an emotion too right? so is fear, anger, excitement, anxiety, guilt, love, hate etc.. So how come out of all these, people would think of sadness more then any other with regards to emotions. For a whole lot of reasons, I could guess.. For one, being emotional often clouds one judgment, which in turn often leads to wrong decisions. So you could be filled with positive emotions, happiness and that sort, but in your highly emotional state you go do something you regret.. that can be pretty depressing..

'Emotion, in its most general definition, is an intense mental state that arises autonomically in the nervous system rather than through conscious effort, and evokes either a positive or negative psychological response. An emotion is often differentiated from a feeling'

nonsense

"and if we have to go now, I guess there's always hope tomorrow night will be more of the same" - we are scientists

On some days, I just don't feel like going home. If I'm already home, I won't feel like sleeping. It's usually after getting high, when the feeling starts to wears out.. and you just want to go on, trying to go back, although the day's ended. I notice this applies to everything in life. From relationships to alcoholic beverages. You can see it perfectly through the eyes of a 5 year old who just wants to play with his new toy past bedtime. The toy will still be there the next day, but somehow.. you just want it now, today.. cause today was so great, and you won't want it to end. It also doesn't end at just a day. Incidentally, part of me want these few months to never end.

It's days like these, especially those tiring ones when I spend too much time stoning in my room. and then I'd get dissatisfied and lots of other thoughts start in my head, most nonsensical. Oh well, humanity is fickle, one moment you're happy with what you have, the next you're not.

Happy April fool's

free

The weekends were always slow and easy. I hated how I would spend every weekend wasting away, slacking or resting at home after a week of work. I hated it cause I was restless, and that it would mean wasting my day off while the next day I had to go back to work.

The past weekend was slow as usual. It was wonderful, so wonderful that I did nothing at all. I stayed at home with the family, watching the kids. It was wonderful cause I knew that the day after, there was no work. There won't be work for a long time and I was free to do anything I wish.

Today, I did everything I wanted to and more, I'm exhausted. Went to swim as according to plan, went to the imac shop to check out the laptops and then went to a pub and had a good time. There was a live band playing, and I though that someday I'll be the one on the front stage. be it at small pub or a big stage. A big phase of my life just ended awhile ago. An even bigger phase of my life has just began. It seems scary, but I feel fortunate, cause I don't wanna miss a thing.