My uncle's birthday falls on the 25th.. so every year, we'd celebrate both his and jesus' birthday.. this year he turns 70 and we gathered for the occasion today as many of us were on holiday on the actual day..

So I met up with all my relatives.. and I found conversing with one of my cousin's kid, 12 years old turning 13 next year most interesting.. Here was I speaking to a 12 year old and he was more aware (certainly seemed like) of current affairs then I was. It didn't matter to him though, he just kept bombarding me with questions about national service and told me he was already planning his escape.. 6 years is not a lot of time, and I beg to differ.. I told him secondary school will be fun, (so just enjoy that first) which is at least half true.. 

He also told me about how those toy manufacturers uses tv to fool kids into buying their stuff (ever wondered how pokemon, digimon etc became such a big hit?), and that when he grows up he's gonna do the same and scam little kids of their parent's money.. no.. wait, he's already doing that as his primary school cca.. 'entrepreneurship' 

It's scary how fast kids grow up these days.. and pretty soon they'll be teenagers, young adults.. that'll mean I'm old.. and it's weird because our teen years are probably one of the most confusing, crucial, pressurizing, stressed-filled part of our lives..(some say you fuck this part up and you're screwed for life) but as teenagers they won't know it. cause being a teenager, it's like being invincible.. wielding a force-shield of ignorance and oblivion.. and perhaps the batteries on my shield are quickly dying down (non-rechargeable).. sigh.

well, at least I still have one shield.. The ' I'm a dumb nsf who doesn't have to think about anything cause I just follow orders' shield.. there goes my personal life.. 

conform

I've been reading some of my older posts.. way back..

okay.. I lied, I didn't really read them, I couldn't care but I know for certain that the way I write is always changing.. and maybe I'm just getting... b.. bor... 

boring.

I may have lost my perspective, or not. yea the imaginative one (in other words 'crazy') the how very queer, sadistic humor most find hard to understand.. 

and maybe it's because of conformity.. you know, like how in ns they make you wear the same stuff.. do the same stuff.. think the same way.. feel the same way.. think the same way twice.. nah.. Think it's mostly caused by having almost the same routine everyday (nothing interesting ever happens)

In any case, if I did conform I wouldn't always be questioning the rationality of some of my company mates.. I was warned that ns would rot your mind.. but apparently most never knew...

It's that time again

Hey people.. guess what time is it? it's time for me.. to book in again! on a Christmas night... oh joy. Least I'll be thankful for the extra 2 hours as they allowed us to book in later tonight.. boring. I'm always out of ideas of what to write when I get the book-in-blues.. 

Anyway I went to church last night.. The weather was nice (yes I'm actually talking about the weather now), a light shower which added a little christmasy feel to the night.. The priest shared a story with us which I thought was really heart warming.. So I'm gonna try to re-tell that heartfelt moment right here..

One night, the priest had gone to church early.. There was no one around but an old lady, she was carrying 2 big bags full of cardboard boxes. She saw the priest coming and went up to him and said to him..'It's you! I knew you'd come' The priest replied 'I'm so sorry, do I know you?" 

The priest had thought that the old lady came to him to ask for some money, but all she wanted was for him to lend a ear.. So they sat down and she started talking.. She told him her life story, about how she was abandoned by her kids and how she had to collect these cardboards to earn a living.. When she was done talking, she got up and thanked him.. 'thank you so much for listening.. ' and started walking off..

The priest got up went after her. He took out a ten dollar bill and gave it to the old lady. 'here, I know it isn't much, but it's the least I can do to help' The old lady replied. 'Thank you, I knew you would come, Jesus.." The priest was stunned.. and the old lady said.. "young man, in every person out there suffering and in every person who've come to their aid.. I see Jesus"

Doesn't it just blow your mind that we're celebrating the birth of a man some 2000 years ago?

Merry Christmas Everyone!

what stress?

Ns life can be stressful.. it can be stressful if you have expectations.. ie. you expect that you won't breakup with your girl, you expect to go command school, you expect that you won't die.. (yes not dying can be a tough and stressful task sometimes).. not givin a damn sometimes is the best option.. but it's kinda hard considering my very considerate nature.

Nobody likes being stressed up. but people are strange, and when the time comes we'll all be missing these stressful moments (okay maybe not the one caused ns, but other kinds are good).. I know I did..

miss stressing myself over projects and school..

miss stressing myself over the fact I was going to enlist soon (last time)

miss stressing myself over the band...

miss stressing myself over the prettiest girl I ever met..

those were pretty fun times.. sigh, last Christmas... and now.. 4 more days to Christmas.. Guess time won't stop for anyone..

yeah I know this movie is old (like 2000?) but it's got a really beautiful soundtrack and it was showing on hbo a couple of days ago..

Gladiator ~ Lisa Gerrard 'Now We Are Free' Soundtrack

when will I be free?

multi-task

This morning I woke up and found myself trying to do 4 (or maybe even more) things at once..  IM-ing.. playing the guitar.. smsing and trying to play Red Alert (which didn't go too well).. 

Point here is that I want to do so much.. I wanna youtube more, I wanna watch my fav tv series, I wanna play my guitar, write more songs, I wanna play red alert... and starcraft2 (oh when will it come?!) I wanna go out and explore places I haven't been (but traveling just burns too much time)..

I wanted to drink beer with my frens while enjoying a live band (did that on friday) I want to spend time with the family, and still have time to hang out with the guys.. There's so much to do, the weekend is always a burnout.. sometimes I wonder if I just sat at home and did nothing.. then the weekend might seem a little longer..

In light of Christmas to come. I helped mom put up the Christmas tree and I bought myself a Christmas hat.. HAH! I was searching for it last Christmas and now I finally got it!

Here's a picture of me with the hat.. (taken by the webcam)

                                         

p.s

I would put up a picture of my Christmas tree, but it's late and I'm lazy.. (it's not like my phone's got a camera on it anymore, just can't go around; snap snap snapping pictures just like that) 

The half day

Hey! it's thursday night and I have internet!

So these few days have been rather slack.. oh wait.. no actually they weren't that slack except that I had to go to the medical center twice and still haven't got my checkup done.. So yea, for 2 days I spent  half the day slacking which was just awesome. (half days are the best)

it was like livin the dream ns life.. The day starts off hard, so by lunch I would tired enough to just slack and not feel bored at all..

oh and Christmas is coming soon, hurray.. but right before that, coming up next week is The hell day.. boo.. 

A couple more weeks to go (before the real fun starts).. I can't speak for the remaining weeks to come, but so far it's been pretty, hmm okay I guess? Sure life is hard, but I'm quite sure many of us had overestimated this challenge.. 

but of course if I go into details of the things we do and crunch the numbers, people out there'll still think we're crazy.. (maybe we're a little, I've seem to lost my bearing on that) but I assure you, we are very much humans too.. and I've probably reached my limits.. cause I don't feel like I'm getting stronger these days. (I probably would with proper, good training) but no, my body's deteriorating, and I'm not the only one.. 

They call this combat fitness (being able to carry on running even though your knee's cracking off and every bend.. doing push-ups when the sharp pains in your shoulders clearly are caused by more then just tired muscles)

Booking in today, I have not fully recovered. I still walk with a slight limp, though it isn't entirely necessary anymore.

I may have recovered physically but not spiritually..

Sometimes it's easier to stop looking for answers. To just give up and say 'I don't care anymore' I'll live in ignorance. While ignorance can bring you bliss, it gets harder in a long run.

I left a piece of a puzzle inside my mind, and now there's a hole inside my heart..

When there's nothing that can be done, you wish there was something you could do. When there's something to be done, you'll wish that there's an easier way out.

There are no easy way outs.. only miles and miles of desert to cross before you finally reach the end.

unfair

oh please, life is unfair. what more can we say about ns life then? fellow soldiers ; 

A recent happening has sparkled a surge of hatred and rebellion, courtesy of our batch boys to the commanders. See the problem in such a force, so strong and fit is that the men get so hard to control, but that isn't my point here. 

So then, many eyes were finally opened to the actual realization that half the time, the words that comes out of your commander's mouth is all just some lousy propaganda crafted to keep you in line. half truths, contradiction and hypocrisy.. 

life's like that.

It is when people start asking questions do things get out of hand.. You can't exactly blame your commander but you still do.. It's like when he tries to convince you that a ridiculously unfair system is in place for fair reasons. Let's put it this way, you wouldn't be feeling any better if he told you the very truth; the truth that he's the one with the rank, so you should just shuddap and live with it.

I'd like to think there's an unspoken code between the men and the commander, an understanding that hey things are gonna get contradictory and stuff. but commanders; now lets not try to make it sound like everything is fair (don't give me that bullshit), and the men; stop questioning..