sucks

I was on bus 78 reaching my stop. I pressed the bell as I normally do, not too early, not too late.. The bus didn't stop, wtf.

I looked to the front to see if there was any reaction from the bus driver, there was non. I continued listening to my mp3 and thought about how far I had to walk now that the driver missed my stop. (I don't know how or why he missed my stop.. but he was going quite fast.) I didn't go over to the driver and make a big fuss or anything. Even if I did, it would be of no help, so I stood my ground and settled for the next stop. suck thumb.

somehow this incident can sum up the past few weeks, months of my life. suck thumb.. No need to complain, cause it won't make no difference.. just suck thumb. 

What's the point.

I was contemplating on a current dilemma I was facing. ooc. I have a good chance of ooc-ing, and not by any false trickery or chao-genging.. question is what do I do now..

1. the upper management has issued a warning to a certain group of trainees, about 30 that they may face the chopping board.. I belong to that group. 

2. most people would be really scared and do whatever they can to stay (suck their dicks, beg whatever) but I really don't care.. I feel I didn't belong from the start anyway.. I've come to realize that everything here is a lie, and I wish not to be a part of it.

3. certain injuries have really been bothering me. and thing is they just won't give me a break. which gives me more reason to ooc. or they might just get worse until I self-destruct..

I suspect that I have been brainwashed.. despite how obvious and logical the answer to my dilemma is considering the circumstances, I'm faced with doubts.. what's the point of this.

perhaps I'm just waiting for some divine intervention.

The cycle

Now I wonder if this is healthy at all.. (notice the pattern every week?)

going from being overly elated to utterly depressed in 2 days every single week.. The emotional cycle of an nsf.. and I think that even those overly enthused conscripts will feel the blues, it's just a matter of how hard it hits them..

Soon I'll be making my journey to camp once again, this time by myself. The kind uncle who always drives me to camp in his cab won't be free tonight.

now this is the part I say goodbye and leave you with some random picture or video cause the blues always kills my chain of thoughts leaving me with nothing left to say..

I miss those days filled with endless soccer fun with some of my best friends..

free money

The govt just gave me $500 .. (i'm not sure if the numbers all add up right)

The great thing about free money is that you can spend it all away and not feel the pinch at all. Unless you're really stingy.. It's only fair that if you get free money, you should at least spend some of it away freely or if you're kind, return some of it to the govt via any singapore pools outlet.

I was thinking, this economic recession don't seem so bad.. if it is, I certainly don't feel it.. I get free food and lodging 5/7 days a week, about $180 to spend every weekend considering I just got a pay rise, and on top of that the govt just gave me free money!

best part is, shops are getting lesser crowds and having more sales in attempt to bring back the crowds.. pity there isn't a lot of time to really appreciate this..

Now I'm wondering since the govt gave ns-men a little extra, shouldn't they at least give em a day or two off to go spend them? heh.. 

5 months past, 17 more to go... 

welcome to hell

An old acquaintance of mine recently received a certain letter stating he should come down to my camp for a vocational assessment. Yes that same old letter of doom, I received about a year and a half ago.. and so he came down for the va... (yes some of my batch mates thought it would only be fair to return the favor and give a friendly 'welcome to hell' shout out')

So I took the liberty of giving him some advice and letting him know what he was getting himself into. silly guy put out a 5/5 rating of interest in the interview.. oh what matters, back then I put a 2/5 and somehow the interviewer saw fit to change it to 3/5 despite my reluctance.. and there's been many cases of 1/5 s getting pulled in as well.. (now we're starting to see how SAF works)

anyway now he's getting a little nervous about it and asking me about mortality rates in this camp.. It's not too bad really, what worries me is the injury rates which sky rockets. 

but then again, there's always 2 sides to the story. and I'm living proof of this. I'm still in one piece, am still capable of expressing emotions, and am only semi-depressed at times. hah, okay..

bottom line is ns sucks wherever you go, or to phrase it more positively:

there is no perfection in wherever you go.. and you can only try to make the best or worst of it..

Hello.

But if you ask me

The feeling that I'm feeling is overwhelming

And oh, it goes to show

I've so much to know

Ok, perhaps I was a little cranky when I got up this morning.

ohh what's the point.. now I just feel crappy.

Gotta run.. enjoy the video..

Byebye.

Envy

I envy those who are still full of youth still studying.. sometimes when I see a bunch of them outside, I have the urge to go up to them (especially the guys) and tell to count their blessings, live everyday like there's no tomorrow..

I've been there before.. someone probably told me the same thing and I probably didn't listen. now life just sucks.

I wondered before why 99% of males after going through ns usually thinks it's a waste of time.. It's not because they fail to recognize that only we can defend our own country.. It's cause while in ns, their souls are destroyed. every week in out they go through the same shit and it gets worse over time. 

The tekan, the psycho-talk, the unfairness and contradictions is done to the extend that everything loses it's meaning. You become numb, failing to see the point in anything anymore. Life is worthless (afterall, isn't that what we're trained to do? kill people) It destroys your soul and the foundations of our moral values.. Well if you ever wondered why the working world is filled with so many bastards with no conscience, well this is their spawning pool.

okay maybe I exaggerated a little..

ns does not make you a better person.. It makes you stronger, but it does not make you a better person.. saying so it's only one side of the story. I believe the other side is one very real, ugly perhaps biased story. A story of which good will turned anger, resentment and bitterness.. yet another perfect excuse: how will a good person survive in war, if they're unable to do whatever it takes.

no they don't, they'll just die..

dammit, I promised myself I wouldn't talk about ns. oh well, better out then keeping it in..

courtesy

A bus driver greeted me this morning.. He was malay I think.. He greeted everyone who boarded his bus.. I was stunned for a second when he greeted me. I then smiled and greeted him back..

It's uncommon to find such cases of courtesy in Singapore.. but I was stunned for a sec, I think most people would be have thought for a moment.. huh did the bus driver just greeted me?! 

Perhaps it will take another generation or two for people here to become more open about greeting strangers and being friendly.. the idea now is that most people will be friendly if you are friendly with them first.. but to make the first move... its'... 'no lah later they think I siao or what'