idecide

part of being a medic is being able to make fast, sensible decisions.. of course things aren't always that straight forward, there are always complications and multiple permutations of factors to consider ..

I've now gotten to a point of headache, possibly caused by fatigue due ti all the boring medical lectures accumulated over time.. so no, I don't feel like doing anything that requires any form of contemplation or even thought.. I just want to lepat, though it's been wonderful weekends after weekends of fun, it's also been hectic ..

Things I have to do: get a haircut.. bloody research on some medical stuff.. sleep.. !

Sleep !

and of course happy halloween ..

before I go

I forgot something..

This morning I went to church, the priest told us a story about a eucharistic miracle that happened in italy a long time ago. (the prove still stands)

so do check this out..

cause there are so many things in this world that science cannot explain..

hope means even when logic tells us we're fucked, our faith will save us..

hello you

I think this is the first time through out my EMT course that I'm home on a sunday evening and won't be rushing to book in. Will it be the first sunday I take the train to camp? only time will tell..

anyway.. I watched cloudy with a chance of meatballs a few days ago.. Which was really awesome. More awesome than anyone can expect.. I'd watch it again.. If you bought the dvd and lent it to me, hah.. I always thought the protagonist's name was cloudy, nope it's not it was flint lockwood.. and the movie was really nice and funny.

Highlight of the week to come : chemical defense .. woo can't wait to get gassed..

848

Close your eyes..

Clear your heart..

I can't wait to start living again.

Till then I'll just have to settle for panadol cold ! ..

for it eases my pain but not my frustrations..

if you could make it so, tomorrow will always be a better day..

Mr. sunday

Okay, I've gone from fever hot to just being cold and sneezing all the time now.. sucks, but nevermind.

So anyway, pretty soon it'll be sunday again and another week will go by.. unnoticed by many and yet some will count the minutes like days. I'll go back to my usual routine in camp again. boring boring boring..

since enlisting I have had this habit of calling home every night whenever possible. if not a text to mom to let her know I'm still alive would suffice..

the calls would always be short, we always said the same things roughly.. I guess we've gotten so used to always saying the same things, and in the past I would be so tired I wouldn't want to talk anyway.. Though sometimes I wish I could talk with mom or anyone for that matter of fact on more than just a superficial level. It doesn't have to be about problems, why do parents always think that when their kids wanna talk it's about something bad.

I guess this is what 20 years of being in a bottle does.. when you finally decide to come out, you feel like everybody's watching you.

attd C

I got home bout six yesterday cuz I got the fever.. could've been earlier for various reasons.. but what gives, it's friday night already and another weekend will soon be over.. maybe I'll go downstairs for a walk.. maybe when I recover and return back to camp, I won't be so jaded anymore.. everyone at camp is becoming so stoned nowadays. I used to be bouncing off the walls in my bunk..

It sucks to be sick.. but it's 'refreshing' compared to being well all the time..

and while I'm sick lying in bed, I'm thinking.. wouldn't be so bad if I had my strength back and am in camp right now. least I know I'd be clearing my IV and my tests.. now I gotta rt for my test, probably while others get the nights out.. or worse (hopefully not) on a sat.

wouldn't be so bad that I'm just only on my way home.. jubilant about book out once again, or off to having fun somewhere else, thinking what more fun can I have tomorrow.. Now I'm just wondering if I'll be well enough tomorrow.

been sitting for too long my seat's hot..

now and then

Before when I had a lot more time at home, I always wondered what to do with it.. Now that I have less time, I have tones of stuff I want to do..

I guess, now that I have weekends after weekends.. I have 5 days to think about what I want to do for 2 days.. Instead of having just 1 day to think of what I want to do the next ..

or rather, I want to have a plan of what to do during the weekends, so I always have something to look forward to.

I guess there's a reason why most of us work 5 days and rest for 2.. people just can't help themselves.

just another day

Did I mention I did my 2nd IV on my 21st bday.. my buddy did 3 tries on me. The mp's raided us.. lotsa shit happened.. I though I was going to get a nights out, but due to stupid people.. our nights out was voided.. and I spent that actual night in utter disappointment only to find solace in sleep.

and what did I do for my 21st? well ask me and I'll just say I hung out with some of my best friends had a fun time.. It's all I could ever ask for.. and I got drunk.. well semi-drunk cause, as of now it's start to wear off..

I think sometimes we tend to expect too much out of life, and it becomes a show..

why can't we just break the rules.. be happy and not feel dissatisfied about it.

IV

I did my first 2 iv's this week.. both successful on the first try, my buddy has very fast flowing blood, which makes the whole process somewhat bloody if I'm not quick.. but it also makes it easier, i think..

My vein on the other hand is deceptive.. It's pretty easy to spot, even without tying a tourniquet around my arm.. shouldn't be hard to miss, but it has dodging capabilities.. I don't blame my buddy, even for poking me 3 times more than I have. cause even when the instructor takes over to twist n turn the needle under my skin, my vein just manages to escape most of the time..

needles don't really make me nervous.. I wonder why others squirm when they see a live demo.. maybe I just haven't tried the thicker ones.. this iv stuffs, it's pretty exciting.. the uncertainty of the first kept my hands shaky like hell.. but the 2nd, I felt confident.. took a breath to steady my hands and plunged in..

I have been reminded time again to be gentle.. haha..

3am is emo hour

I notice a pattern in my not so healthy lifestyle.. every time I come home late, and I take a shower.. I end up sitting here for awhile feeling.... dissatisfied.. as my body screams for me to just go to bed, my mind is just starting up.

Now that I spend sunday nights to friday nights in camp makes it worst, ten fold. It's not that I'm miserable in camp.. I'm actually quite happy, content with how I spend my time in camp. Except for occasionally empty stares into the distance, whereby my camp mates would ask ' why so emo ' I'd just smile back, almost too quickly and claim to be just day dreaming.. sometimes I really am, but mostly I'm just a blank.

and maybe I'm guilty of resorting to crazy antics to remain optimistic and happy in camp. Problem is, it earns me a rep and on some nights I'm just too drained to live up to it.. No, actually I've always been guilty of this.. I have an alter ego for every kind of shitty situation I do not wish to deal with.. but I always thought it was just my way of living my life, and I think it's alright. After all, when the going gets tough, who's to stop you from living up your life.

It's all about living up your life no matter what happens.

cab drivers

Cab drivers are the new heroes of the nation. Sure when it comes to cab drivers we always have plenty to complain. We forget that the cab is more than a tool, a means of transportation to get from a to b in a quick time.. sometimes we forget the cab driver is human.

I got frustrated at a cab driver today. On the expressway he was using the 'save petrol, step-release gas cheap trick' It was a really unpleasant ride, jerks every 3 seconds while I was trying to get some eye shut. The cab later then kinda got lost too, but fortunately I was familiar with the area..

Some of you might expect that something epic happened later on and changed my perspective of cab drivers.. No. nothing happened.. I just suddenly realized it.. 5 hours later when I was in my most vulnerable moments.. Intoxicated, tired.. insecure.. I rode a cab home.. I saw the look on the driver's face. he was tired too.. midnight shift, driving around all alone looking for passengers.. it must kinda suck.. and of course most people know that a cab driver barely earns enough to support a family.

cab drivers.

They'll go where you go.

They work most when you enjoy.

Always under public scrutiny

Always persevering to make ends meet

so..

when they want to talk.. It's understandably, one gets lonely driving around all day.

when they're not sure which way to go, they are only human, not a street directory.

when they start ranting about the government.. well who doesn't once in awhile?