back to normal

Spain are the champions of Euro 2008!

and finally, my life can return to normal.. Staying up to watch matches isn't a whole lot of fun if you keep falling asleep.. neither is it fun to watch at some lousy pub where people are constantly blasting karaoke, shouting into the mic..

wee~

heart attack

My heart's beating irregularly.. 

or maybe it's a twitch..

it feels like a twitch..

I can feel it all from my left armpit down to the arm..

was having some crazy pains down the side of my ribs just now..

am trying to ignore it now..

but much like a twitch, it's really hard to ignore.. 

...

being me

'just be yourself'

isn't that like one of the most cliche, one-liner advice a person could give.. from young, people will keep you telling that.. we've probably heard it so many times we end up forgetting the very reasons why it is so important.. (nope it is not because everyone will adore you just for being yourself)

What exactly does it mean; being yourself? It's blurred out by the very reality that everyone of us to a certain extend conforms to the community around us.. does this mean we stop conforming? no. some people actually take this too seriously and end up trying so hard not to conform (oh I'm not gonna be like that poseur kinda thing).. they end up becoming obsessive and somewhere along the lines crash and burn somewhere in hell.

so I'm a *fill in the blanks*... how's being myself gonna help me.. well it isn't gonna help your situation a whole lot if you're a jerk (I'm taking a worst case approach).. but at least it'll save you some time and trouble..

for lack of a better analogy:

so you're a jerk and some other jerk wants to fight you, at least we're clear from the start.. pretending only makes things complicated..; ohh, so you're a nice guy, (later finds out otherwise).. *backstabs*

The thing is, once you start to become something you're not, people are constantly expecting.. you're just gonna fall short of those expectations..

so just look at it this way.. if you're trying too hard at trying hard at something.. you're almost certain to make a whole new mess so big it's undefinable..(not being yourself).. but if you're merely trying hard at something, say a certain goal you seek.. pat on the back for the determination.. whatever the outcome, it's more than likely that you'll be just fine..

and if you're not trying at all.. then what's the point of living?

colour me

I' m high... went to brewerks.. is that how you spell it? drank a couple of pints..

anyway.. this is a really interesting quiz... it tells you your mood n stuff just by getting you to click on colours.. and it's been pretty accurate so far, over the many.. erm.. years since I discovered it.. Though it's analysis can appear to be vague most of the time, I'm impressed.. sometimes it knows me better than myself.. (yep..  i've tried it when I'm sad, and when I'm happy and.. etc.. it always gets me)

anyway..  this time it says something about me insisting on rational and realistic decisions yet circumstances has caused me to.... want to act on impulse and bet on hope.. (something like that) 

it may seem vague and that just about anyone can find themselves in the described situation.. but  whether these kinds of test are genuinely accurate or uses general, vague descriptions that can never go wrong.. they still make really good and interesting reads..

computer open my browser!

I just found out how I can actually talk to my new mac..

It's so darn cool..

soooooo cool..

I've always wanted to do that!

haha.. I know... I'm suck a geek...

Just got back from work.. kai took the car out so we went to eat supper.. The job was quite dull, sitting at one place for 8 hrs taking down car plates that came in and out.. having some good friends around made it quite fun though..

There's some special aura about sitting down with a friend late into the night with a job to do.. the comradeship.. the stillness of the night.. you feel a sense of loneliness out there when you stare into the cold dark sky, the empty streets.. yet you are warm, knowing the person beside you will stay through thick and thin as you would too.. (don't mind I'm making a big deal out of this)

comradeship.. if there's one good thing I can look to in ns.. that's gotta be it..

that song..

Things have been mysteriously disappearing in my home..
I was looking for my mgs2 which is original, and couldn't find it anywhere..
Then I also noticed that my vc.. also original is missing.. strange..
and since I haven't touched or played them in hmm.. almost 2 years? I have little recollection of where I put them.. but it makes no sense, they should be together with the rest of the other games.. I've searched everywhere.. sigh..

2 choices..
if I stop searching now, I'll never know what happened to them.. I won't even know if I tried hard enough to find it.. or maybe I was really close to finding it, but I wouldn't know..
I continue searching.. and heaven knows how long before I find it.. or say.. I never find it and again there's no end to this...

anyway... I woke up this morning... or afternoon and suddenly had felt like youtub-ing this 1960s song..


such a sweet song...
just a random urge to listen to this song.. my chain of thoughts which triggered the urge -> army -> band of brothers tv show -> song which played in tv show..

disco

Last night while brushing my teeth, I saw a little spider on the bathroom wall.. it had a tiny body.. <5mm but it's legs were long.. bout 2cm..

It was there happily minding it's own business.. bouncing up and down.. so I left it alone.. yes.. literally bouncing up and down on the spot like this;

(I was kinda bored just now.. so...)


It was quite amusing.. hmm.. disco spider.. It would've made my day if I wasn't already going to sleep...

sometimes it's just how you look at things, that could make your day a whole lot brighter
..

growing old

Another wisdom tooth just sprung out!

now I have 2.. both on the right side..

I've also noticed the numerous strands of white hair I have..

Shocking.. I took one glance at a mirror yesterday and the bright toilet lights exposed them all..

I didn't count but just by looking, there must have been at least 10?

this is bad..

oh well.. this all can only mean one thing..

I'm just getting wiser..

anyway.. on the contrary to what I normally do.. I've been trying not to think so much lately.. which hopefully could help the white-hair situation...

don't think.. don't think! my head might just blow up to smithereens ..

Life

Life is like an onion; you peel it off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep..

Lately I haven't been able to gather my thoughts.. no posts since monday.. hmm.. okay it isn't exactly a long time, (but for some reason it feels long.) I'd usually have something worth saying everyday.. Whether or not I post it here..

I'm just feeling so.... 

ughh.. you know..

Never mind.

anyway.. I finally started exercising outside of soccer..

and.... I need to start swimming again..

shins

The shins are currently my fav band..

They never fail to amaze me with their dark witty, poetic lyrics.. combined with sweet soothing melodies.. I can only dream of writing at such a high level..

Don't mind the weird sick video.. the song is good


"So affections fade away,
or do adults just learn to play
The most ridiculous, repulsive games?"

wah?

Ok.. so I sent my friend off for NS last Friday.. Gave me all these sian feelings.. pretty soon everyone would've gone in leaving few behind (those who enlist in sept and oct)

We were talking... something about being unattached and soon to serve.. and how our friend might have just made a new friend right before going in..

Trey: what about you.. not gonna find gf

Me: nahh.. Single n happy, besides going ns liao (NDU sumore)

Trey: well you'll never know what life can throw at you sometimes..

Me: I won't let that happen..

I'm laughing at myself right now..

the following took place on sunday.. approx - 10pm...

Me: Hi.. remember me.. I bought a macbook pro ytd

appleboothgirl: ya ya! (laughing)

Me: yeap...(nervous laughter)

appleboothgirl: what are you doing here?

Me: (omg I didn't see that coming what do I say) erhhm.. haha.. you know.. just come n look around

Me: so you working full time here

appleboothgirl: no.. part-time

Me: ohh.. yea... so if you don't mind me asking.. can I have your number

appleboothgirl: err... sorry I can't give you my number.. (smiling.. nervous laughter)

Me: (nervous laughter)... (now this part i meant to say something like: 'ohh don't get the wrong Idea, I'm just looking to be friends' but instead I blurted out something along the lines of..
'ohh..i just friends... nothing one'

appleboothgirl: I can't give you my number but I give you my email can

Me: (oh why not.. that works.. I was thinking of asking for that instead of number) yah.. can..

appleboothgirl: ok.. do you have a pen

Me: (pheww!!! I had one.. and that flier would do just fine for paper) yeap...
(reaches for it)
(drops it when she's about the take it)
(probably so nervous right now)

appleboothgirl: oh sorry...(writes number)

Me: I'm Mark btw... you are..?

appleboothgirl: (says name)

(shakes hand)

It's a blur right now.. but thats what I remember... I didn't really expect anything.. nor would I expect this to go anywhere... but hey... what happens happens..

I'm just glad I didn't chicken out..

I understand

you'll never know what life will hand you next..

yeap... life is cruel

It's decisions are affected neither by logic nor emotions

unsympathetic.. ruthless..

And those who have triumphed so far.. knows not to go against it..

but to go with flow, and turn things around..

it is unwise to search for what you want to find something you don't want..
but dare to search for something you don't want to find something you want..

Understand? sorry if you don't

I'm just being crazy again.. talking to myself in my head.

What is normal is culturally constructed.

I think I've mentioned this before? anyway.. it's worth another say..

anyway..

just wondering...

how many people here are guilty of saying something like this.. " I just don't know what to do with my life now man"

I figure if you're about my age, you'd said that and heard it even more.

So.. a 'standard' conversation between a couple of 20 year old poly graduates

B: 'man my job sucks'
A: 'aiyah find new one ah.. or quit'
B: '... what to do, have to work to survive'
A: 'lucky my family can support me'
B: 'so what are your future plans'
A: 'don't know, for now just work first lor (or go ns) also don't know if I should further study'
B: 'yeah... same here..'
B: 'you'll never know if you choose the right path'

When you think about it.. it just sucks being in this state.. (with the exception of people with rich parents that allow them to fuck around as they like)
Maybe if my family was poor (or some other situation), the decisions wouldn't be so hard. just cause I would be force by circumstances to take one route... but with the freedom of choosing which path to take there's always the fear of one day looking back and regretting..
'I had a choice... why did I take this one'

at the same time we're pressured to choose between what we want (our hopes and aspirations) what we think we want (the more realistic goals?) and what others want for us (influences telling us that this way is the best for us).. Isn't exactly fun to choose

well.. all I can say is..

our view of the summer sky, it's slowly dithering..

Nothing to lose

I remember a couple of years ago I was thinking of making preparations for signing on as a pilot. Yeap.. you heard me.. I thought, hey why not give it a try... The pay is good, and I would be set for the next 10 years.. Secured job, 'taken care' of by our beloved government. Now I kinda regret not trying at all.

1. I wanted to be just a normal soldier, do my time and get on with life..
2. The idea of being in the military as a life job kinda scared me back then.. Now.. I wouldn't mind at all..
3. I casually raised the topic of becoming a pilot to my parents before, response was that it's too dangerous... it's ironic..I'm gonna be a diver now... (Don't tell my mom that my lungs could explode if I'm not careful) haha.

Now... whatever reason which prevented me from trying of it can't possibly be good enough to beat the fact that the bitter future is coming.. It scares the shit out of me and I probably should just make it up as I go along.. At least if I became a pilot.. I would have something to stick to.. but now... well we shall see...

3 ninjas in a taxi cab.. (I think we scared the driver too)

It was bloody funny.. Man I hope we never ever run out of crazy ideas...

and...

bye bye Cliff... enjoy your stay at the police academy..


...

Sassafras Roots

I'm a waste like you
With nothing else to do
May I waste your time too?

It's June. I still got quite a lot of time to burn around but I guess this is the time other people start going in. So good luck ya'll, those who are going to the island and always remember to be friendly should any ghostly apparitions decide to make friends with you.

As for me.. I've been procrastinating the matter of getting into shape. I've been wanting to, but somehow I always have a better excuse for not doing so. (maybe it's just destined). Take my knee injury.. (which still isn't 100% restored) followed by a mild ankle sprain.. Maybe it's a sign, or maybe I'm just getting more accident prone this year.. (also the little accident at tioman).. I keep telling myself I'm gonna start... After the cruise... After I recover.. After the trip.. heck I'm just gonna start next week.. I hope..

In 'celebrations' of Mark (not me) going into the Army... We had a little adventure..

Indian food in little India..Not Bad.. Bye Bye Mark(not me) have fun in the army..

This is supposed to be yogurt and you're supposed to mix the 2 together (I think) Trey didn't believe me, but I tried it anyway and it was quite tasty.. Just don't try drinking it separately..

We Stumbled upon this interesting toy shop.. or museum.. whatever... It sells old toys
Welcome to World 1st Museum of Shanghai TOY

side note:
Oh and I realized how irritating it can be when my play list just goes off without warning when you visit here. So I disabled the autostart... hehe..

Back

Hello, just got back from tioman this afternoon.. and I'm starting to have this back-to-reality feeling all over again.. The long journey home usually leaves me thinking about lots of stuff but I'm too tired now to remember any of that stuff..

I swear I fell asleep while standing in the mrt train just now.. my leg jerked up and I would've fell if my hand wasn't near the handrails.. sleeping while standing.. that's something.. anyway the bulk of the pictures from my holiday isn't with me right now.. but these were what I took with my phone... so enjoy..

us relaxing

on the ferry.. (Nowadays weather very hot..)

At the rockfall.. we spotted a couple of couples taking wedding photos

Our beloved duty-free-shop

The Jetty

I thought people were exaggerating when they mention how easy you could get cut by rocks when your skin's soggy. I barely even kicked the rock..

anyway.. thanks guys for worrying so much, until make me scared oso lah! (over what turned out to be just a little cut). Nope no shark was gonna smell my blood and come running, nor would I have died from blood loss or a possible infection. I could walk and was doing just fine despite leaving a trail of blood everywhere I went..

More pictures to come so stay tunned !

and...

I had a freaking good time !

cheers.

miss me?

Hello friends. I'm in Tioman right now having a blast and drinking lotsa booze (I hope)

It's ironic that I find myself on a holiday doing something I'll be doing as my vocation pretty soon..

Oh well.. who's to stop me from having fun.. =)

be back tomorrow!

meanwhile... enjoy this video. It's from the game portal.

Mansion

Me: I live in a maisonette
notMe: huh? a what?
Me: you know... 2 story hou.. (interrupted)
noeMe: OHHH Mansion ah? wah so rich ah..
Me: er... yea... mansion

I live in a mansion.. it's so big but I still get bored every now and then... so here are some pictures... of my private estate..


The Park...

My backyard...
The Lake..

The outdoor shack..
The Main building.. South tower... North Tower
Yep.... yet another boring day.
I'm off to a holiday now!... Be back soon!

cyborg maybe?

I didn't sleep last night. I was off on a wonderful wonderful adventure throughout the midnight. I got home this morning exhausted I stumbled into my bed. I couldn't fall asleep. Well eventually I did, but only to awake a couple of hours later.

I could take that something is fucked up inside of me.. or.. maybe, my body clock's back to normal and I won't sleep in the day? possible... I have been going to bed earlier these days..

nahh... something is defiantly fucked up inside me. Another note: I don't feel hungry at all, I know I would be hungry, but I just... lost my appetite?.. Isn't that bad actually.. I wouldn't need all that extra calories anyway and I don't actually suffer from hunger strikes..

Well it's past my bedtime already..

-lights out-