d-day

Staying up too late is never good for one's health..

No matter how much fun it might appear to be, past midnight and the meter starts to plummet.

This is especially so if it's past 2 when the alcohol starts to wear out and you've run out of drinks. (or you realize that it might be wise to stop now) 

I just got back from my friend's birthday party. am sober now and to prove the point I rode back on my bike without crashing. Birthday's are over-rated.. like new year's eve. You go through all the trouble to try and plan out a perfect night but it never is.

This year's the big 21.. I can remember my life a few years back as if it were yesterday. I used to look at people older than me, 21 year olds as mature independent people, who seemed like they had their lives figured out.. but as I've heard from an older person 'don't be surprised if by your late 20s you still haven't quite figure your life out' It's fast turning into a fact..

For a moment I suddenly felt like I was 17 again.

___

So I packed everything up in my room.. It's all in the closet now, the big brown closet stuck to the southern wall of my room. My desk is for once empty.. Just the macbook, a mouse and a cup of water. The cabinet's empty.. The drawers too.

And I took a step back to admire the simplicity and nothingness of my soon to be thrown out furniture. I thought it reflected on my life quite astoundingly..

Everything about me is closet. Just like all my stuff stuffed into my closet. (it's a magical closet, I have an entire drum set inside) and just like the current state of my room, my glass is almost always half empty.

I've never done anything big.. I laze around a lot and procrastinate.. and more then sometimes I'd irrationally do what I like just because I can and I think it's great. 

power positive

I took offs for yesterday and today. I just thought it would be fun.. People often advise themselves to save up on their leaves and I did too.. But I thought, what am I saving it for? rainy days? S'pore is sunny all year round, so here I am.. It's been a wonderful day. I've got 11 more leaves for the whole year, no regrets.

The idea of 'blasting' all your leaves at one go may seem like a good enough reason to save up until the moment you decide to 'blast'. But I've found that prolonged periods of anything is bad. It just is. 

The past few weeks of boredom haven't been entirely bad. Wait I never said it was bad, I never admitted even though I'd rant at times. It's really bored and lonely, I'm wasting my time, it's kinda like that social experiment solitary (except its not that hardcore), the people totally suck! but In the end I always seem to end it off with. Ya I know SHIOK RIGHT! It's just awesome.

At some point I was actually feeling really crappy ie. (I'm a worthless pos) but the more I tell people about how great my camp life is now, the more I'm feeling it.. Must have something to do with that positive thinking kinda thing which we've all heard/read about somewhere but never know exactly where.

Or could it be that I've been so shut out from the rest of the world that my definition of shiokness or awesomeness has been skewered.. Well what ever works .. All I know that is where I came from, my current deal tops it hands down and it just rocks.

jerks

Hi ya friends.. As we all know the army's full of jerks, oh wait a sec.. sec sch was full of jerks, poly was too.. hmm.. Anyway the thing about the jerks in the army (besides the quantity) is that most of the time it's harder to just punch them in the face and not go to jail for it.

but wait, we're all on the same boat here, 2 years can't we be nice.. after all nobody wants to be here. Precisely nobody wants to be here.. Have you seen Lost? Nobody wants to be stranded on an island a thousand miles from the nearest city.. and look what happens, people become jerks (or crazy) and start pissing (or killing) other people. It's like that. Shocking.

People are probably too quick to judge others. Especially when you're out in the hot sun working while taking orders from some guy who seems to just walk around and seemingly do nothing all the time. Just do the unhealthy thing and keep all your discontentment inside and just do your job (if he's of a higher rank than you)..  if he's not.. well do what you like.. 

Last week I made a decision, one that would alter my whole life from here on. I activated my WoW account. It was fun at first. but imagine the long 5 days after, I would be stuck in camp doing absolutely nothing. I probably worked about 2 hours a day, and for the most of the day I'd be confined to my 8x4 little cabin. So I raced home on friday and found myself glued to the screen till now. The only time I went out was to church and dinner with my parents.

The good thing here, I'm gonna save alot not going out. Though I'd be paying for WoW monthly, the cost of that is just about how much I could spend on a single weekend if I went out. 

Anyway, boss said he'll let me book out everyday, soon.. I just don't know how soon.. If I do get to book out everyday, I'm definitely using the time to...

.. Refurnish my room! (it's gonna be soooo awesome)  and..

WoW... of course..

Watching himym and playing gta and tonyhawk on my psp has been my life this past weeks. It's been pretty fun but that could all change.. 

It's exciting. I could have a chance to book out everyday.. I know eventually the downside of travel fares, and early mornings will get to me.. but for now, I'm really hoping to get this.

So I guess I'm pretty lucky to have that.. besides having gone through hell, (yes literally) having really f-up course mates, having a really low pay and being treated like a slave.. But I'm sure everyone's gone through that no?

what lies ahead

My contract with the office has just been terminated yesterday and I'm going to be a security guard next week. incidentally, my ex-course mate's graduation was yesterday. I knew this day would come eventually and I knew it would suck..

It did. Although I gladly made a decision never to be a part of them again, it's something I can never have and I wonder what's it like. It's like going to your old flame's wedding and wondering ' what if it was me up there' (though that never once happened to me)

I guess what we all are missing in life is contentment and direction. simple contentment in what we have, it's so hard to achieve in this modern world. and knowing your purpose here on this lonely planet.