3am is emo hour

I notice a pattern in my not so healthy lifestyle.. every time I come home late, and I take a shower.. I end up sitting here for awhile feeling.... dissatisfied.. as my body screams for me to just go to bed, my mind is just starting up.

Now that I spend sunday nights to friday nights in camp makes it worst, ten fold. It's not that I'm miserable in camp.. I'm actually quite happy, content with how I spend my time in camp. Except for occasionally empty stares into the distance, whereby my camp mates would ask ' why so emo ' I'd just smile back, almost too quickly and claim to be just day dreaming.. sometimes I really am, but mostly I'm just a blank.

and maybe I'm guilty of resorting to crazy antics to remain optimistic and happy in camp. Problem is, it earns me a rep and on some nights I'm just too drained to live up to it.. No, actually I've always been guilty of this.. I have an alter ego for every kind of shitty situation I do not wish to deal with.. but I always thought it was just my way of living my life, and I think it's alright. After all, when the going gets tough, who's to stop you from living up your life.

It's all about living up your life no matter what happens.