Envy

I envy those who are still full of youth still studying.. sometimes when I see a bunch of them outside, I have the urge to go up to them (especially the guys) and tell to count their blessings, live everyday like there's no tomorrow..

I've been there before.. someone probably told me the same thing and I probably didn't listen. now life just sucks.

I wondered before why 99% of males after going through ns usually thinks it's a waste of time.. It's not because they fail to recognize that only we can defend our own country.. It's cause while in ns, their souls are destroyed. every week in out they go through the same shit and it gets worse over time. 

The tekan, the psycho-talk, the unfairness and contradictions is done to the extend that everything loses it's meaning. You become numb, failing to see the point in anything anymore. Life is worthless (afterall, isn't that what we're trained to do? kill people) It destroys your soul and the foundations of our moral values.. Well if you ever wondered why the working world is filled with so many bastards with no conscience, well this is their spawning pool.

okay maybe I exaggerated a little..

ns does not make you a better person.. It makes you stronger, but it does not make you a better person.. saying so it's only one side of the story. I believe the other side is one very real, ugly perhaps biased story. A story of which good will turned anger, resentment and bitterness.. yet another perfect excuse: how will a good person survive in war, if they're unable to do whatever it takes.

no they don't, they'll just die..

dammit, I promised myself I wouldn't talk about ns. oh well, better out then keeping it in..