It's more then a dream

I haven't had dreams in a long time. sleep was always darkness, peace.. escape.. the best kind.. but last night I had one. How great it was again to dream, and perhaps how unfortunate is it that I remember .. sometimes it's better not knowing, but I guess its a wake up call for me.. To stop hiding behind a mask.

I dreamt I met the most awesome girl ever. She was perfect for me. It was a blur, I remember bits and pieces, and this is how I stringed them together. I can't remember where I met this girl, my best guess was from through a friend. who told me well, she isn't that pretty or beautiful as I made her up to be. and I realized it to be true. but heck she was still perfect for me. and every second she just grew more and more beautiful to me. (which logically isn't possible)

I remember us running around. I saw it from a 3rd person view, a close up of our faces pressing against each other, side to side going around. Laughing, smiling. Horsing around. and I felt it. the jubilance I so missed. and there was something very innocent about it well. My heart melted right there in my sleep.

Next thing I remember I left and I'm at a hotel attending to some other matter. (might have been work or something, It's blurry) I'm in an age where for some reason we don't have cellphones. Which I think it's pretty romantic, as she called me through the hotel phone (I didn't think she would). I received it and knew who it was but for some reason I said, 'what did you say your name was again ?'

The last I heard was something like a 'huh ?' and gone.. left with the monotonous tone buzzing. I stood still thinking.. as the 'camera' slowly zoomed out and away into the ceiling.. I thought, shit.. how do I get back to this girl.. I don't have her contact. barely just a first name, and earlier on I had to come to this hotel which seemed like towns away.. or even countries away. I felt the hopelessness cause by the possibility that I'll never see her again, but I felt the hopefulness as I faded away from the dream.

That girl. She's gotta be somewhere out there. Someday, I'll find her.. not just in my dreams.

Boom.. I'm awake.

Initially I thought it to be a sweet dream. but I think I always knew.. this was a dream for loss cause. The signs are there.. I never knew what happened.. there is no ending.. only my own speculation. I now realize it's actually about me not having moved on. The heartaches don't lie.

and thats why I stood there in my dream. I stood there by the phone till it faded. I never walked away. never could.