I'm just a friend to her, there is no reciprocation. It's not an assumption from some inert fear of rejection I have. It's totally sensible, accountable through our interactions and actions and I need to remember that.
Attraction is hard to ignore, or erase. but it's possible. I probably haven't been trying very hard to let go. Heck I haven't been trying very hard at anything at all. Feels like I've reached a point in my life where I live just for the sake of living. Everyday feels the same. I don't feel sadness, I feel bored.. really bored.. and sometimes it feels like there's a black-hole in my chest and my ribs might collapse from the sucking..
Fb-stalking only makes things worst (i'm sure everyone does this but I'm not proud to say).. makes me speculate. care too much. wonder. I should probably shut myself out but again. I haven't been trying too hard. Like how I wonder why it seems like she herself is on the end of her own story of unrequited love. (speculating) It makes me wonder and think too much. and even if it's true it's not an opportunity for two heartbroken people to heal each other's. The real world is much to cruel, and I'm surprisingly mature enough to realize that a relationship built on that would only crash and burn so quickly.
Thus I shouldn't care to 'save' anyone since I jolly well can't even save myself. sensible ?
So yes, I can't save myself from this one, as everyday is a battle within myself.
Tomorrow morning I will wake up and forget most part of what I've said. and I'll proceed again to exploit the many possibilities that fairy tales are real. I've actually had a beer.
It's just human nature.
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