I saw a cute couple just now, well the girl was cute and the guy.. hm at least he didn't seem like a fucker, paikia, mat etc etc.. They were at the other end of the bus stop as I was..

They were talking, and in my boredom I wasn't eavesdropping or anything and thats why I won't, I mean can't tell you what they were talking about. The girl turned and gave the guy a peck on his cheek. How cute, I turned away. but could still see them from the reflection off the bus which just stopped in front of us.

I didn't turned away because I was afraid they'd notice me looking at them which would've lead to everyone in the bus-stop feeling awkward. I was jealous, perhaps maybe just a little.. and lonely too I think. You know like how people sway their head away, make a little fist and go 'damn it'.. I was doing that.. except I didn't say damn it out loud and probably didn't make a fist either.

yea yea, so I kinda, or almost really wished there was someone there beside me who'd give me a little kiss and keep me company. better yet if it was a cute girl. Instead I sat there listening to my mp3 player, cool wind blowing in my face. I sat there feeling like I was being eroded.

I sat realizing how this face had become so numb, so apathetic. So often I'd find myself consciously smiling or frowning just so it'd seem like I wasn't totally stoned. It's what I've done to myself, it's what every ns man serving in a special unit faces.