Been getting hammered everyday.. many times for some stupid reasons.. but anyway, thats life.. First book in was just fucked up.. It's not like I got sian once I saw the camp.. It's after getting hammered again on the first night (I can't really remember what happened though. lol) only then did the thoughts come .. oh fucked I'm here again.. getting f-up again.. 

where's my motivation?.. 

why am I here?.. it doesn't feel like there's a real purpose behind this.. 

where did she disappear to? I can't help but wonder sometimes.. (gee maybe a goodbye would have been nice)

but then again, I can't do anything.. lan lan lah.. 

I'm just a chao recruit .. booked in, sian oso dunno sian because of what..

at least training is quite enjoyable.. sometimes...

and for now... I can enjoy the fact that I'm home again!